Je t'aime, Cherie

moving notice

2011-12-30T03:33:00.001+08:00

i wont be blogging here anymore. i shall be relocation to here. link opens with new window/tab.

edit: good luck, finding the new url! i removed it.

xoxo, Waihong.

motivation

2011-11-05T02:05:00.001+08:00

So many things to do, so little ~~time~~ motivation to accomplish them. Take a look at me, procrastination personified!

felt like so many things have been happening, but at the end taking a looking back, seems like nothing has really happened at all. right now, i feel a lost for words to describe anything. motivation eludes me every single time. so really, why the lack of motivation? too little discipline to follow what i've planned. i wont lie i'm disappointed at myself for being so fail, and even just hours ago i was being judgemental. who's really judging who? if only motivation came in a form of a talisman, i'd be the first to that motherfucker on fire and drink its black burnt corpse with water.

moti- moti- need a lotta motivation!

if only i could find the drive to work hard for things in life - things that will affect and change the course of my life. time waits nobody, not me not you not anyone. and i really have too many loose ends to tie up. perhaps when i do eventually tie them up i would become a better person. with accomplishment comes satisfaction. i guess i just havent felt good about accomplishing tasks in a long time. perhaps i'm one of those recognition whores who eat and breathe recogniton.

time to grow up and step up the game, boy.

Waihong, unmotivated.

like dreams and nightmares

2011-08-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

There are so many random yet vile thoughts flooding through my mind right now, as the car makes its way to jurong from pasir ris. I know I'm gonna suffer a bout of motion sickness later blogging on my mobile in a car, but what the heck, I just need a space to yabble on.

There is such a fine line between what makes a normal or sweet dream a nightmare. And recently I've been having many of these dreams coming to me during the day (yes, I do not dream in my sleep fyi) its starting deserve some concern. What started out as a seemingly normal daydream would be interrupted with a abnormaly, making it unpleasant; sometimes the abnormaly would be ridiculous; other times impossible; or at worst - immoral. I wonder where all these vile secretions in my dreams leak from. Has there been too many things happening around me? So much so I'm starting to lose my foothold on my subconscious mind? This could spell bad news in some aspects. The subconscious mind is way way way more powerful and influential than the conscious mind.

Being wrapped up and toasted over so much emotional flames, its more than just a cosy ride. When needs are not met, and that could mean trouble. Especially when the tolerance grows taut, like a rubber band, so taut it might snap. Its like walking on egg shells. Its a fragile and delicate situation. And worse is, I think I've crushed quite a plenty of shells already. Bad bad bad.

I need a doctor soon, or I'm gonna start pretending that airplanes are shooting stars and start wishing upon them. A random chatter reminded me how powerful words could be, and especially for me who could turn words into velvet or blades, losing touch on the craft meant my words going out of control. But sometimes I feel the need to speak unbeautified - unedited - to those who mean more to me. There should be no need to butter up my speech. Shouldn't I be speaking my mind in its simplest form?

Andddd, strange enough, now I'm in camp. A miracled came in through sms. Seems like a hint of understanding. Me loves to be understood! Feels like people are really paying attention! C: Anyway, I should close off the post here. It looks really long on my BlackBerry's screen. So long!

Waihong, miracled.

Of many things

2011-08-01T00:59:00.000+08:00

its been quite a eventful day out, from over at my darling's place to a steamboat shop somewhere in bugis and then over to clarke quay for some round of drinks.

i realise its only when one heads out and socialise with others that things happen. different things outside of one's regular routine. when things aren't controlled by your whimsical wants and wishes, one will be forced to adapt and make best of the situation; or the choice to enjoy or suffer the moment.

choices are made everyday, every moment. there is often no right or wrong to those choices made, only consequences and after actions. like karma, what goes around comes around. when one does not convey the desired message, the outcome becomes undesired; when one makes a choice in a rash without considering consequences, the consequences comes back around and kick you in the balls (if any).

but then again, who's never made bad choices? and whenever we realise the choice made is bad, there's another few choices splayed outfront: 1) you wait. 2) tackle immediately and rectify. often the choice made is 1) you wait. i'm not saying that is a bad choice, as many things are out of our hands, and based of situation, we have to wait for the appropriate opening to tackle the issue. as the saying goes, good things come to those who wait, but not for too long please.

i feel like an old man right now, after seeing my boys drink to their enlistment in the coming week, time seems to have just whizzed by. i need to do more meaningful stuff, find my loose endings in life and tie them up, plan for the next 5 years of my life, plan for the next 10 years afterwards, and plan how to clear my off-in-lieu and annual leave.

to be a better man? well that shall see, after all, perfection is contentment. will i ever be contented with my life? hahaha. i wanna be smart, but maybe just when i thought i know enough, i will realise i actually do not know anything at all.

oh the irony.

Waihong, living still.

old times.

2011-07-18T03:00:00.000+08:00

i used to belong to a group, a circle of the awesomest friends i've ever known. they might not have been my longest friends, but we've been close since our meeting. and there came a day in february, just after i turned 21, when the wrong words were said at the wrong time. at the moment, those words just seemed like harmless chains of alphabets. and now months later, i think back upon them as though they were my greatest mistakes ever. never had i felt so much loss, not even compared to when i lost my first love.

it feels like i've lost a family.

i am not sure if i am the only one who feels like this, because maybe to some, i might only be just an acquaintance. and there are many more things i'll never know, all because i've lost that family. i remember in the early days 5 or 6 years ago when all of us first met. neither of us knew how far the friendship would last. maybe only till we separate when change schools? and in time to come, that question became redundant anyway. in the next few years, despite meeting new friends in new environments, junior college or polytechnic, the friendship held on tight. every gathering we had rekindled the feelings inside us. inside me.

then came that fateful day, just only barely half a year ago, i said it. from friction came sparks, from words emerged blades. i've hurt their feelings. i've put knives into my family's hearts. i've treated them like puppets and toys; fun things. and for that folly, i paid a heavy price. i chose wrongly, i paid in remorse. i miss everyone, all 11 of you. i know few of you or even none of you will see this, but i am truly sorry for what i said back then. i've been though pangs and pangs of remorse, realising how hard it is to be excluded.

i know i've been selfish and childish, and i can't take back those words i said then, but i just want y'all to know i'm sorry.

...of goosebumps and stones

2011-05-02T04:55:00.000+08:00

something is getting to me.
its creeping up and under my skin;
its eating into my flesh;
its drilling into my bones;
getting me right deep down to my soul.

i feel unwell, mentally. the pounding in my head just keeps coming back when i'm alone and undistracted. like the withdrawal symptoms from rehabilitation. but there are things not worth being rehabilitated from. so my question is, what's this addiction to? maybe i just wanted to feel more wanted. perhaps i just want back my past. now i know why the elders are always saying, time waits for nobody. once lost, considered gone. the more its delayed, the more diluted it becomes.

i once told someone, friends are like pebbles in the path of life. they come in all shapes and sizes, big or small, smooth or rough, pretty or down-right ugly.. these pebbles you (or i) pick up, and sometimes we throw them away for reasons. but life keeps us walking and walking, further away from those pebbles we cast away. do we make a detour to search for them? would they we worth the search for? where would they be? but i guess no one's gonna answer all these questions for me.

...therein the patient must minister to himself. -William Shakespeare

Waihong, unanswered.

being alone has never been so hard.

2011-03-28T19:07:00.000+08:00

i think im terrible at juggling balance into my life.

things i had,
people i once knew,
those who were once played important roles in my life,
are now gone.
like poof gone.

i miss them, really really miss them. i feel so remorseful that i've said those terrible things to them before. but the nails've been driven in; taking them out will still leave holes. this one is probably worst wrong turn i've ever made in my life. never before had i felt so alone and so outcasted. sure enough, i've had a new character casted into my world, but i've lost much much more. losing the latter is definitely not the price i paid to bring in the former; i've just played my hand bad, so how to i recoup my losses?

i dont know how to face these people anymore, maybe they've just forgotten about me, deemed me as someone not worth they're time; i want to be involved again, for they are my memories of my youth. they are the ones who i should have chosen at that point in time, but i fucked it up over and under.

someone tell me, what should i do?

waihong, lost.

long long long

2011-03-27T15:50:00.000+08:00

feels like forever since the last time i had a mood to blog. turning more and more stoic as the days go by. maybe its a mechanism to make time pass faster; to be less willing to be involved in activities that could risk ending up in getting my ass busted for being helpful.

as they all say: act blur live longer; garang die faster.

today marks the last 5days of my SOL. i should be glad, but this single fucking SOL has burnt away so many things i've been anticipating for. i've been in camp for a total of 13 days already, i've missed Dreams III, and a chalet.

its hard trying to pretend everything is okay.

i'm trying hard to be okay.

i miss going home,
i miss going out,
i miss my baby,
i miss that 2days of freedom.

maybe i just don't want to be pitied. too independent for that. but even so, that doesn't mean i'm happy about being kept in on SOL.

I. Am. Not. Happy.

i just appear to be.

sheesh.

waihong, SOL-ed.

long long time.

2010-12-09T22:56:00.000+08:00

well yes, its been a really long time since i blogged, always cant find the right mood to post anything up here. perhaps its time i sweep the dust off of my blog.

the newest of the new would probably be my recent posting to 30SCE all the way from stagmont camp to jurong camp. yes, mindef hasn't been kind to me in my postings. time taken to go to camp has increase to an hour and a half. truly a troublesome change to adapt to for the next 18 months. i can only pray for my duties to be as painless as possible.

other than army, i dont think there's anything else much i can say here. christmas is round the corner, and i still havent gotten my gifts ready. i have outfield exercise that ends of new year's eve, which means i'll be spending 31 dec sleeping. sigh, army screws people over and over. why can't i serve my ns when i'm 12? i didnt have as many commitments back then, and i'd probably was too dumb then to complain about hardship.

other than that, life has been pretty normal. i'm missing all the people i hung out with back in TP, i miss my buddies from 4th COY in BMTC, i miss my mates from 13/10 in SI, i miss my parents, and lastly i miss my babygirl - only getting to see her once a week. army sucks. can't they do posting based on location? it makes activation easier as well doesn't it?

tomorrow is my unit family day at WWW, lucky me [: anyways, i shall be off to shower. then i'll call my babygirl :3

toodles~
Waihong, out.

Rush Rush.

2010-11-07T13:04:00.001+08:00

The Best Kind of Love

By Annette Paxman Bowen

I have a friend who is falling in love. She honestly

claims the sky is bluer. Mozart moves her to tears. She has

lost 15 pounds and looks like a cover girl.

"I'm young again!" she shouts exuberantly.

As my friend raves on about her new love, I've taken a good

look at my old one. My husband of almost 20 years, Scott, has

gained 15 pounds. Once a marathon runner, he now runs only down

hospital halls. His hairline is receding and his body shows the

signs of long working hours and too many candy bars. Yet he can

still give me a certain look across a restaurant table and

I want to ask for the check and head home.

When my friend asked me "What will make this love last?" I ran

through all the obvious reasons: commitment, shared interests,

unselfishness, physical attraction, communication. Yet there's

more. We still have fun. Spontaneous good times. Yesterday, after

slipping the rubber band off the rolled up newspaper, Scott flipped

it playfully at me: this led to an all-out war. Last Saturday at

the grocery, we split the list and raced each other to see who

could make it to the checkout first. Even washing dishes can

be a blast. We enjoy simply being together.

And there are surprises. One time I came home to find a note on the

front door that led me to another note, then another, until I reached

the walk-in closet. I opened the door to find Scott holding a "pot of gold"

(my cooking kettle) and the "treasure" of a gift package. Sometimes I leave

him notes on the mirror and little presents under his pillow.

There is understanding. I understand why he must play basketball

with the guys. And he understands why, once a year, I must get

away from the house, the kids - and even him - to meet my sisters

for a few days of nonstop talking and laughing.

There is sharing. Not only do we share household worries and

parental burdens - we also share ideas. Scott came home from

a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical

novel. Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had

read the novel on the plane. He touched my heart when he

explained it was because he wanted to be able to exchange

ideas about the book after I'd read it.

There is forgiveness. When I'm embarrassingly loud and crazy

at parties, Scott forgives me. When he confessed losing some

of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said,

"It's okay. It's only money."

There is sensitivity. Last week he walked through the door with

that look that tells me it's been a tough day. After he spent some

time with the kids, I asked him what happened. He told me about a

60-year-old woman who'd had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the

woman's husband standing beside her bed, caressing her hand. How was

he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would

probably never recover? I shed a few tears myself. Because of the

medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married

40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after

years of hospital rooms and dying patients.

There is faith. Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear

that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday

I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after

divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening

effects of Alzheimer's disease on her father-in-law's personality. On Friday

a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died.

I hung up the phone and thought, This is too much heartache for one week.

Through my tears, as I went out to run some errands, I noticed the boisterous

orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted

laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding

party emerging from a neighbor's house. The bride, dressed in satin and lace,

tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends. That night, I told my husband

about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and

that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going.

Finally, there is knowing. I know Scott will throw his laundry

just shy of the hamper every night; he'll be late to most

appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows

that I sleep with a pillow over my head. I'll lock us out of the

house at a regular basis, and I will also eat the last chocolate.

I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No, the sky

is not bluer: it's just a familiar hue. We don't feel particularly

young: we've experienced too much that has contributed to our growth

and wisdom, taking its toll on our bodies, and created our memories.

I hope we've got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride,

I had Scott's wedding band engraved with Robert Browning's line

"Grow old along with me!" We're following those instructions.

"If anything is real, the heart will make it plain."

And I just wanted to say,

2010-10-17T08:49:00.000+08:00

to you, from me.

i'm sorry,

for the times i wasn't there for;

for the moments you needed me beside;

for the insensitive words i've said;

for the feelings i've accidentally missed;

for the stupid things i've done.

sorry,

that i had to love you.

promise,

i will love you better.

it is...

2010-10-03T13:08:00.003+08:00

... the sweetest thing ever.

it might be a lonely weekend.

2010-09-25T00:21:00.001+08:00

im not sure what i'm even here for, just felt like saying things out perhaps. maybe i fingers are itching to type and yet my brain doesnt have anything of substance to contribute. who knows, i might unknowingly stumble upon some forgotten thoughts? well, i'm actually here to kill time waiting for baby to knock off from work so i can call her. 1am yo. -.-

well going about the week that has passed, asides from bmt, there's the hint that i might have once again jumped the gun too soon about certain matters. but it does not necessarily mean i'm wrong about my conclusions. i wonder how much dispute has this matter caused since it first arose. i might be the key character to this whole fiasca, but i'm pretty sure i'm not the source of it. and with broken information links everywhere, the picture becomes distorted - abstract. too much is left at the mercy of imagination, but by the time someone decides to piece the puzzle, it could be a little too late to start.

i've ever thought of just burying the entire matter and forgetting about it, but a nail hammered in will still leave a hole on the wall no matter how carefully the nail is removed, the wall will never be the same again. but it just takes a little getting used to that hole on the perfect wall.

4 months (specifically 16 weeks) have passed since i enlisted, paid a total of $10 for 5 shaving sessions. looking back, everything seems to have passed so quickly. one moment i'm ranting about how tiring i am from training, and the next i'm looking at my graduation parade tickets. in these months i've discovered more about myself as a person, as a leader, and more importantly - as a friend and a lover.

well, maybe there really is more to yourself than you'll ever be able to discover. :)

Waihong, out.

narrow.

2010-09-11T14:16:00.000+08:00

why the fuck is the world still filled with narrow-minded people!? i've once thought everyone was open-minded, and the narrow-minded is only a minority. but i was proven wrong. once the opinions clash, everyone hides away, back to their comfort zones. i'm not saying that i wont do the same, but what i am saying is at least i wont do it to the people i care about - my friends.

if y'all have an opinion with the girl i date, then fucking tell it to me. don't pretend like you accept us and then bitch behind me - thats call backstabbing. don't pretend to be all friendly when in actual fact you have an issue against me - thats call hypocrisy.

A load to say, feeling uber tired,

2010-09-11T03:34:00.000+08:00

yes, i've just returned home after waiting 1 hour 15mins for my night rider bus (partly thanks to my carelessness that i missed one, ended up having to wait for the second one.)

supposedly went out to parkway to meet up with the people i havent met in some time. everyone still seem the same, nothing much has changed about them - neither looks, nor mentality.

never once thought that a person can maintain an opinion for such a long time. i might just be guessing, but that's the current impression right now. everyone has accepted the fact already, so why cant you? is it a taboo of some sorts that i've committed? or is it just because we went against your expectations? the world seen through your eyes isn't the same as mine. you have your way of living, and i certainly do not live by yours.

i had once welcomed you in as part of my life, tried my best to not make life difficult for him, because if i were to see him in my life-to-come, i'd be sure to see you there - and not because i wanted to, but because he wanted to. so why not reciprocrate a little and show me the generousity i once showed? the others have done it, so why not you?

then again, i'm sure you have your reasons why you're doing it, and i'd be more that glad if you could share those reasons with me. being kept in the dark endlessly guessing won't get us anywhere if we both want to see an ending. discontentments are best settled quickly and simply right? you've once tried to settle it behind my back, almost jeopardised my opportunity, now lets play nice and play fair alright? i'm still doing this because its only fair to him to not have to stuck in the middle.

yes you know its you, that is if you ever read this. you.

Waihong, disturbed.

just before book in

2010-07-04T16:26:00.000+08:00

i'm not really suppose to be here blogging, i've still got all clothes to fold and pack, and other whatnot little shits to do.

despite the all the aches and pains army's been giving me, i can say that i am quite lucky to be where i am now. things have been going pretty well for me so far. formed new bonds, made new promises, found new love. and even so, i bear great hope that things will get even better in the future, thats my optimism until POP on 2nd October.

missed many of you people out there, perhaps one day we'll make a conscious attempt to meet up for a meal? there's probably a load of things i wanna share and tell. feeling a little nostalgic now, wonder if its how NS turns me. improving physically, but degrading mentally.

ah well, i've lost my chain of thoughts here, shall try to blog again next book out. for those who wish to meet me for a meal, can i have steamboat please? lol :D

Waihong, out.

Lost and Confused. Who's to help?

2010-06-24T10:20:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if its better to be ignorant of certain things. well, what you don't know can't hurt you right? true to a point - provided you never ever find out about what you've been ignorant of. ignorance is not bliss; ignorance just means you're lucky.

feelings and thoughts contradict sometimes, but i guess thats how things work being a creature of emotion. now that i know what-i-know, seems like there will be quite a bit of work to be done, and a certain level of understanding to be nurtured. its should no longer be my thoughts my feelings, but rather my thoughts her feelings. or if more better - our thoughts our feelings.

with a fickle mind beats a fickle heart. with a fickle heart grows fickle emotions. how much does it take to tame them all? what does it take to be able to do so? playing the right cards? saying the right words? doing the right things. i need to return to my old self, before 7th june.

there's the heartache knowing i've changed so much; i've lost so much. i wonder how is it like for other enlistees. have they lost just as much as i have? was the old me really such a queer find? i don't wanna change away from the former me. i like how i was before. i dislike the current me. i've lost my strongest trait already, what more do i have to lose? i hope all these is only tempoary. that i'm just swept up in the sudden change of pace.

looks like i need to be in control of myself more than ever now. desperation strikes after 17 days of confinement. now more than ever. if only losing fats was as easy as losing my mind. sigh. i wonder if i should privatise my blog, so as to be more lenient with my information censorship. paragraphs after paragraphs cleared to prevent scrutiny.

i often wonder what i would see if i could read your mind.
would i see the consistency of thoughts?
or would i be blinded my the myraid of feelings and emotions?
a queer treasure you are, how do i make you mine?

Waihong, out.

Anxiety.

2010-06-01T00:01:00.001+08:00

i've realised over the years, i'm prone to anxiety attacks whenever situations do not go as i had planned or predicted. i will start to think, and the myraids of possiblities will swarm into my puny mind - anxiety attack.

but of course, there are many ways to keep the anxiety suppressed, at least until it disappears. somehow it seems possible for myself to talk myself out of the anxiety attack. simply by being on my own, walking and talking to myself works. i think i'm perhaps 51% insane most of the time.

my anxiety seems to have a physical manifestation on my body. there will always be a contraction in my abdomen, as if something is eating away from the inside. the tightness is consistent and only starts to subside when i talk myself out of the anxiety. weird huh? =.= i'm beginning to think i'm an alien not born of this world, and that my birth details are all fabricated fakes, and my parents are secret agents.

personally i hope i wont suffer from anxiety attacks in camp, being unable to know about how everyone is doing outside. yes, "not knowing" is my kryptonite. its a peeve perhaps, but a lot a times, i get what i want to know. information. well, i hope that the hunger to know does not surface, that i'd be too preoccupied with my new life to think about mainland.

speaking of army, i still havent bought my necessities yet. more ziplocks, a watch, powder etc. may army be as i expect it to be. i really dont like unpleasant surprises. being posted in rocky hills certainly does not help much.

Waihong, out.

P.S. ever heard of a term "personal twitter" ?:D

Confidence

2010-05-23T00:49:00.000+08:00

figures i'm a person who needs loads of reassurance. i've realised that if i were to go on for long periods with little reassurance to my predictions and "readings", i tend to become irritable. but recently, i've come to realise that my hunch/gut feeling/prediction has a adequately high truth rate. this brings me back to my confidence: i have what it takes, i just need to believe in myself more.

some times it feels like i'm being a freak for excessively trying to read people's body language, down to every possible detail i can notice within the first few glances. the problem is, i never got to verify most of these evaluations. i can guess to the best of my knowledge, and thats about it. its a desire to confirm myself about myself. but i guess army will affirm me in many ways - i am gonna spend time with a lot of new people i do not know or aren't familiar with. thats a whole lot more non-verbal cues to watch for. (:

well, i think back, and always i end my chiding myself for wasting time wellowing in my past fruitless romance. but only the romance was fruitless. i've returned from a brutal mindfuck more resilient than my juvenile self. its sadistic to say, but everyone should go through a mindfuck once in their lives, it will change how you perceive the world. made me a better man i would say. but as i would put it, experience only lets you taste the cake, but you'll never know what went into the batter. only experience topped with knowledge lets one truly bake a fine tasting cake. confidence then serves as the pretty icings on top.

i'm becoming more naggy with my own philosophy. i only hope people do not think i'm some kind of narcissist. i only talk/nag to people who need my input or advice, otherwise its my own life and my own lies. i don't wish for anyone to live like how i did - naive and reckless - for its not a good way to learn life. but for me, i guess it turned out pretty well in the end, though battle-scarred and all. i'm was fucked up kid. and maybe now finally my turn to see how all the screwing has made me.

Waihong, out.

17 days left

2010-05-21T14:23:00.000+08:00

yes, its a measely 17 days left. much has happened in the week, though i shan't elaborate much here.

there are still things that i want to do/achieve, and the constant reminding of my enlistment makes me think otherwise. should i just put them off till after BMTC? its a 17-week absence, and frankly i'm really afraid of changing. its 4 months, and i think lots and lots will change. i don't wanna change either.

there's just so much going on in my mind, i can't verbalise. desires are increasing with loneliness. but i doubt any will be satisfied or curbed. sigh. if only someone knew; if only i could let someone know. ah, shan't think too much, worrying about things i cannot predict.

more short posts, well. take care.

play on, me.

Waihong, out.

tonight, another night.

2010-05-19T23:59:00.002+08:00

feeling a little down, though a little could be an understatement right now.

down, because i've let down a few people in my life.

down, because i've been thrown a glare at.

down, because i've been ignored by.

but then again, i never gave my word i'd deliver. i never promised to anything. i have my own life to attend to as well. friends are no doubt at the core of my life, but its not the one there. i'm not a nice fella i'll admit. i'm just sweet, and capricious. its a dangerous concept to want to try.

but still, i'll learn from my screw ups. because i resent glares and being ignored without a known reason. and i'm not intuitive enough to know why either. so its either you tell me, or you tell me. no hold bars between friends. i predict i'll see y'all around in the far future, so lets get used to having each other screwing up once in a while. i have my selfish moments too, and frankly i like to screw up sometimes - just to be a bitch.

not good with apologies, but i gotta do it somehow.

inexperience finally has dropped its wake-up call on me. knowledge is nothing without experience, and experience cannot be gained without playing the game itself. but if the game is hard to come by, does it mean i'm doomed to be noob for as long as it takes? or maybe i'm just putting too much pressure on myself once again. but with this, i've had my first experience in the field, next time will be smoother - i hope to get better.

ok the downness is being alleviated gradually. i can take my mind off and go to bed. goodnight my dear, goodnight my world.

Waihong, out.

tonight

2010-05-18T11:59:00.065+08:00

tonight seemed unlike any other night.
there was a unique feel about in the air.
from places quite never,
the wind blew.

a companion,
a soul much like mine,
together we walked through this urban forest,
following the wind and its twirls.

the breeze gently upon my neck,
cooling the perspiration that had settled there.
every step taken felt like a sign,
that something special might happen tonight.

sounds lame, no?

there's always a feeling to want to shout my thoughts out to the world. but i'm afraid of being judged, afraid of the complications my actions might bring. i want to talk, with no fear of complications. where everything that can be said, will be said eventually. i'd like to think i'm very open with my perspectives, and i probably am not wired regularly. thanks mom.

i'm already missing the feeling of being able to openly share the oddities that flutter through my mind. a someone who can converse with me, and make me feel like myself all the time. cheeky, playful, passionate.

short post, tomorrow waihong shall cook lunch. (:

Waihong, out.

Discovery

2010-05-15T12:30:00.000+08:00

given this ridiculous amount of free time on my hands, everyday seems to be a day of discovery. everyday i could something new about myself.

just yesterday, i discovered how much i resented realising that i made a wrong decision. sure, initially the choice seemed sure, and that the consequences of making that choice was predictable. but thats as far as it gets. resultant occurances sometimes get so bewildering, and all i can do is to watch the scenario unfold itself way beyond my control. and only until the undesired has surfaced, that i realised "it was a wrong choice".

i realised no matter how selfish i want to get, i always end up giving in to people that i care for, even if that means i could risk being on the short end of the rope. i don't like to see the people i care for suffer, and will try to help ease their pain by means of comforting words and advice. but times the advice worked against my own other intentions, and ends up me not achieving my initial plans.
i had to give in to the softer side of me. why?

i've never been one who likes to lose. especially to myself. all the time i try to remind myself: plan ahead for everything, but distractions are all around me, and i tend to get too caught up in the moment to remind myself. and it is in that blinded moment that i fail to choose the correct move. one wrong leads to another. and i would only realise it when the result bitch-slaps me in the face.

perhaps its time i learn to think and plan at the same time. think of the possible choices in the moment, and plan which choice leads to the most desirable outcome. spontaneous foresight, my boy. wished i wasnt wired to be such a naive person.

spontaneous foresight,
Waihong, out.

P.S. i also do realise i tend to think very negatively when i have to wait aimlessly. shucks. many much more discoveries, but the lack of foresight bugs me most. geez.

a boatyard full of Ships.

2010-05-12T22:09:00.000+08:00

The Friend Ship.

as once again, i wonder to myself: how much of a friend have i been to those around me?

friendship requires neither feedback nor affirmation. it is a path were individuals, like you and me, walk on. subconsciously i met you, and you met me, and we all just got along together. time nurtures our bonds and constant co-inhibition breeds familiarity. by the time we realised we were friends, we're so comfortable being around each other, nothing else really seemed to matter.

there's no quota to meet to continue being friends, only rules that were silently agreed upon, boundaries that must not be crossed. but self-aware and perhaps self-conscious, between you and me, how far can our friendship sail?

asides from bonds that already made, new ones are always waiting to be forged. time and time, with every new friend i meet, i hoped so dearly that i can find someone like-minded, someone like me. not simply a personality clone, but someone who shares views and passion.

there already are people whom i deemed as brothers i never had, hence i'm looking even deeper. a soulmate perhaps. someone who can find me when i'm lost, fish me out of the murky darkness and nurse me back on track. someone who i want to tell my deepest, darkest shames to and still be able to joke freely with.

back to reality, i'm not complaining about what i already have. its the hunger for acceptance that drives me to want more. but then again, friendship transcends words and languages, perhaps its time i learn to look deeper into myself.

The Relation Ship.

ever since the huge mess since last november/december, i must say that i have grown quite a bit in the emotional department. leveled-up perhaps. but even so, i've only ever had ONE relationship that could even be called so. even so, why do some people still come to me for advice? shouldn't one approach the more experienced peers to tackle their problems? all i can offer is my foolishness along with some recklessness topped with beautiful words.

i chid myself for only finally stepping out of my past recently. and then to find that i have to enlist in june. romance, for me, is ever so elusive. perhaps its due to my own tardiness that i do not seize my chances. june draws nearer so hauntingly, and no man has ever escaped time. but my silver lining is there. i'm hopeful, albeit naive.

for someone who speaks like he knows alot, i'm what most of you might call: a noob. that i agree. having made a big mess and fallen out of a heck long of a fiasco has made me rust. the first impression only lasts so long before she starts to realise your true side. your weak side. but even so, i believe being a romanticist will aid me in my relationship. words can play the mind, and as a certain saying goes: seduce her mind, and her body is yours. sounds preverse, but i meant it with context to romance, and not just sex.

i am a touchy lover if any should ask. i probably go by two main love languages: touch and words. touch is real; words are seductive. i like to be seduced. (:

ok, enough of ships.

not trying to be a prick, but i do like having confidantes (note: confidantes are females; confidants are male.). i'd like to understand how girls/women think. guys are just guys, and thats all we are.

i want to be close enough to you for you to depend on.
i want you to know i will listen if you pour your heart;
i will care.

vent your frustrations,
voice out your vilest thoughts.
i don't want you to feel that you are all alone.

let down your guard,
let me into your mind.
we'll trade secrets;
we'll share thoughts.

i just want you to know, that i care.

sometimes i wonder if this count as a poem? well either way, this is how a romanticist thinks (:

Waihong, out.

bored, truly.

2010-05-11T20:00:00.004+08:00

the countdown to enlistment certainly is filled with, well, nothing much. well of course there'd be little perks from time to time, but most of the time, i'm glued to my chair, letting the fats accumulate. yes i did think of exercising all the way till the end of May to get even the slightest bit used to mushing myself however, the engines just wouldnt start.

some times i think i might be a true-blue hypocrite - that i dont practice what i preach. then again, what i "preach" most of the time, is based on the consultee's situation. me, not having the luxury of experiencing what my consultee has been through, can only give advice based on my personal logic and moral. it is not what i would do, its what you should do. i guess this is the only way i can convince myself that i am not a chronic hypocrite. Waihong may or may not operate on similar frequencies.

the bug bites are not healing properly, im guessing its due to the chlorine i've enjoyed swimming in so much. they look like chicken pox/small pox now, if i were still schooling, i bet i can easily score a few days MCs by just appearing. my middle back is also acting up, must be the sprain from swimming. i need a back massage, any volunteers? i'll massage you in return too *big grins*

i miss all my friends, i miss being able to hang out at coffeeshops/fastfoodjoints, laughing, talking cock, joking, insulting with each other, all until the cows come home. everyone is busy nowadays, comparing relatively to the ridiculous amount of time that i have now. the library shall be my new best friend then.

To people out there who sees this:

please fill free to spam my SMS inbox,

because i am really BORED,

and will be more than happy to see YOUR NUMBER
appear on MY PHONE.

alright, thats about all i have now. my noodles are simmering in the micro oven now, its dinner time (:

Waihong, out.

countdown to 7th June: 27 days.

(some witty title)

2010-05-09T00:31:00.001+08:00

hello blog, its been awhile since i wrote on you :3

ah, the recent week has been pretty entertaining for a bum like me, though i can't remember much in detail. kinda just realised that i am left with 30 days before enlistment, and everytime i think about it, a cocktail of emotions appear in my mind, served in a tall martini glass topped with a slice of fruit.

recently i've been thinking about morals and logic. everyone has different morals and logic, where morals are to do what is not wrong; and logic is to do what is doable. i know this could be highly subjective, you people are welcomed to share your thoughts with me on my board if any. i wonder how much would it take to push someone off their morals and do things that they want to and yet is not right.

i have so much i want to pour out, but yet restricted. i have much perversed ideas and thoughts all the time. even the harmless and meaningless words could be made into sexual innuendos if repeated by me. but then again, by perverse i mean by directed away from what is right or good. sexual innuendos are just some of the possible results.

sometimes i think im a romanticist by nature, and i cant speak as freely as i want to. i cant possibly call everyone "dear" right? unless permitted :X maybe thats why i want to be in love, a relationship, where all the unspent "energy" could be channelled towards my significant other. getting a girlfriend? thats probably a plan for 2012; but i wont mind surprises in my remaining one month, a fling doesnt sound that bad either.

recently i've been very very very very keen on non verbal communication, on how the body actually speaks more than the mouth. the more i spend time reading someone's body language, the more interesting it gets. im getting addicted to this, yeah. but i shant share much about it here, google it if you're interested (: perhaps we could share our findings over coffee.

im feeling awesomely random now, perhaps due to the chocolate frappe i had awhile ago at mcCafe. i guess i am susceptible to sugar highs, and it sure feels good everytime the high gear kicks in. i think of crazy things when im high. i become more touchy, more verbal, more uninhibited. my thoughts are rearranged and frankly, i could become an entirely different person. don't believe? try me (:

ok im running out of things to type about. so i shall just stop here. bleh.

Waihong, out.

What is Happening?

2010-04-29T01:33:00.000+08:00

today has been rather eventful.

didn't leave my bed until near noon, despite waking up at 10am. as always, these days i've been waking up and wondering what the day will bring me. no more schedules, no more routines. "absolute" freedom. decided that i should head out for a swim after lunch. the weather was awesome during the swim. no sun! though it did threaten to rain, but never did. headed to school to chill, met some friends for dinner, met another friend for a drink. chatted around, agreed to help, went home, and the rest is for you to guess.

i do realise i am trying very hard to be open with as many people as i can possible reach out to. amongst those that i try, i am glad that the openness is reciprocated. guess this is how its like to want to help people. disappointing thing is that i will miss all my wonderful friends in another month's time. i try to be optimistic, but whenever i think of 17 weeks in BMTC, all the optimism just seems to drain away. often i wonder if i'll be missed, if anyone will find it odd not having me around.

there's been so much going on in my head these nights that i wonder if i'll be able to chew everything at the same time. i don't to be a burden in anyone's life, and very much less if they are close to me. i want people to tell me things, i want to bicker, i want to laugh. feels like im trying to burn myself out, playing with different kinds of fires.

i wonder if i'll get burnt?

needing someone now.

Countdown.

2010-04-27T14:19:00.000+08:00

i feel so lifeless. blogging in school, waiting for the Introductory Workshop for PC to start later in the evening. i'm wondering if i should go to DeFRED to work. some jewelry company with a shop in Marina. the shop front looks damn poshed, and i dread wearing suits. anyway, i shall give it a look tomorrow.

speaking of time, there's about 6 weeks of freedom left before i disappear for 17 weeks. gotta live this month like its my last. wonder what can i do to live it up. go crazy? or just take it easy? there's a million things i want to do, but only left with ~72days. don't how to go about doing anything at all.

guess i'll just take it easy. find a job for one month and chill out. hopefully i can buy a PSP soon. i don't wanna look like a monk with dark specs. PTP is gonna leave me shag everyday. then BMTC will be like crap too. argh. CHANGE!! don't like. but its always there, always around me.

guess i'm just anxious to enter a new environment where everyone looks the same. green, bald, and specs. T-T ah nevermind. 72days. wait and suck thumb.

bye people.
Waihong, out.

I'll Be Your Doctor - Jesse Barrera

2010-04-24T14:02:00.001+08:00

*note: song starts @ 1:00min.

LYRICS:
You see my baby
You are my fire
The woman I can run to
Anytime my heart desires

You are the soul
In every breath I take
I don't know how to tell you
So I'll sing it in a song
If that's ok
If that's ok

And you wake up in the morning
Dressed up in all my clothes
Can you be home by seven?
I got love for you that no one knows
Cause I could be anything
For you it's all worth everything
We could stay up all night
Laughing about absolutely nothing

I'll be your doctor baby
Your lover too
And I'll be your alibi
Your everyday excuse
Cause baby what we have
Is too good to be true
Cause I cant take my eyes off of you

You see my baby
You are my fire
The best friend I can run to
Anytime my heart desires
See you're the only one
That knows how to get me
Your skin under the sheets
And how your kisses taste like honey

I'll be your doctor baby
Your lover too
And I'll be your alibi
Your everyday excuse
Cause baby what we have
Is too good to be true
Cause I cant take my eyes off of you

I'll be your doctor baby
Your lover too
And I'll be your alibi
Your everyday excuse
Cause baby what we have
Is too good to be true
Cause I cant take my eyes off of you

Ponder.

2010-04-23T00:22:00.002+08:00

will it eventually be me against the world around me?

i thought about it alot, and i strongly believe that i have one too many ~~selfish~~ unique thought about the world around me. i don't wanna live like everyone else does, and even if i do eventually join their ranks, i want to be different for as long as possible. just as well, i am not one for the moral ethics.

recently, i've revisited a corner in memory lane, that about judging people. empathy never was my forte, and even so, i often tried to feel for others as much as i could. but that was in the past. now i'm forming impressions faster than ever, every single little action builds on to the person's image, much like a game of tetris.

i feel this onslaught of judgment creeping onto me. its only in times like this where i truly feel that ignorance is bliss. i hope ignorance gets me through the initial heat, at the very least, its always calm in the eye of the storm.

i want to do it.

hopefully this all is one of many passing showers, and that i'm making a mountain of a molehill. then again, who wishes for sweet dreams to end?

Waihong, out.

P.S. feels like i'm not making any sense.

Like that,

2010-04-22T02:26:00.013+08:00

gotta be prepared for changes to come.
gotta keep a strong will.
gotta have an adpative mindset.
gotta stay consciously on my toes.
gotta...
too many gottas. screw them all and i'll do what i wanna.

screw social trends. never liked to follow what everyone thinks is correct. so what if everyone says premarital sex is wrong? comes to me, i'll just go with the flow (example.)

i don't wanna be restricted anymore.
i want to experience new things, new people, new situations.
my hunger to know more is back again.
its stronger than ever.
i will find my way there, and satisfy this crave to know.

with my past left behind, i can see the road ahead once again.
but my absence has left me muddled, unable to tell right from wrong.
a myraid of roads lay before me,
paths that lead to pleasure, paths that send me to my demise.
do not chid me if i take a wrong turn, after all
the ultimate destination in life is all the same.

like a child, i stumble.
like a man who lost his sight, i fumble.
and like the person that i set out to be,
i will follow my heart wherever its compass points me to.
should it point at you, then so it shall be.

Waihong, out.

New Direction.

2010-04-19T00:40:00.000+08:00

the moment the sun rises up, i will wake up with the actualization that i'm no longer a student anymore. there's even the contemplation as to whether my student ezlink will stop working entirely. it's time to enter back into the working world again, but as usual i'm too damn lazy to find myself a job through the papers. hoping to use referrals instead.

and with the coming of the new academic year in TP, i hope all my juniors are able to cope well with their studies and PC activities/problems. its only been less than 2 months since the official handover, and problems have been arising to no end. and i also hope that they will be able to rebute any problems that seemingly appear out from nowhere. then again, the pressure placed on them should make them stronger as leaders right? but still i gotta admit, they are having a pretty rough time considering the fact that they are new.

my bugbites don't seem to be healing, instead they look even more prominent now. bright red spots all over my legs. my arms are covered in patches of dead skin waiting to come off. thinking back, before the skin "died", there were countless small blisters in their place, its almost like straight out of a nightmare. imagine your entire bicep covered in mini blisters, followed by the forearms, and finally the back of the palm. sends chills doesn't it?

graduation day is exactly one month from now, early in the morning at 830am. i hate being in the first session, cos thats were all the higher awards will be given out, and not mentioning the extra speeches.

i'm also in the midst of waiting for my enlistment letter. marcus is going in on 2nd August. another dude i know of is going in on 12th August. hopefully all of us serving 24 months enter in August, and those fitter ones doing 22 months can enter in September or October, this way we can all ORD around the same time. (: so much for thinking about ORD already, i'm not even at the door steps of army life yet. wishing that everything goes well in army, that i become fitter and more awesome!

ok off to shower, and perhaps some thinking time later. yes, i love to think. :X

Waihong, out.

BINTAN!

2010-04-12T00:09:00.000+08:00

yes i am back from bintan, wearing a singlet tanline and load of bugbites! awesome place really. though the sea tides were not very cooperative, the low shoreline meant LOADS of sand and shells. managed to find a few good looking little pieces of shells, and almost killed a seasnail for its shell. i mean, the seasnail had this awesome looking orange gradient on its perfectly shaped cone, and i really wanted to turn it into a pendant of sorts. its THAT awesome. but the snail got the better of me, and hid deep into its home. i should have brought it back and killed it in bleach water or sth. grr! but either way i have loads of shells to work with now, i just need a mini drill and some keyrings or necklace strings. hopefully people do not call me cheapskate for bring those back as souvenirs, there really isnt anything to buy in bintan!

alright i shall give a general lowdown on the 3D2N stay at bintan!

DAY ONE.
took a morning ferry to bintan, wanted to reach there earlier to exlpore the area. but apparently the resort was really secluded, but hey! awesome beach, whose complaining? engaged in some illegal activites which i shall not say what here, and resutled in my extremely bad sunburn and one of my mates in a bad condition.

only day one, and already one man down. took him back to the resort all patched up, and later went off with another to the shallow beach in a mini underwater exploration. it was there found my first 5 shells, including a really cowrie shell. saw loads of tiny hermit crabs crawling across the seabed like a little army.

dinner was normal, had pineapple fried rice. night time was awesomed. due to having almost no lights, the stars shone brightly. the night was made even better knowing that there were 2 pretty hot spanish girls around the site as well.

DAY TWO.
woke up early with the intention of going snorkelling, but the sky was pouring. the rain did lighten up after a while, and we went to rent the snorkel gear, which was really dirty. the breathing tube(?) has mould on it =.= in the end, we just snorkelled using our own goggles and the life jacket. and just when we were far out, the worst thing happened, the it started raining again.

me and another dude tried to walk in the showers but were freaked out due to the fear of lightning. so instead we decided to stay low and stake it out. our conversation in the rain went something like:

Me: What if there's lightning? We're the tallest thing out here.
Him: Oh ya! Shit we better hide in the sea.
and we went into the water..
Him: There's a reason why life guards close the pool when it rains right?
Me: Heheh. Yes.. Thats right.. So it's either we walk or we hide.
Him: Yeah! So we hide in the water.

my shoulders sucked as the rain pelted down on the burnt skin, absolutely terrible. eventually the rain did let up, and we walked back along the sand banks. snorkelling was over.

it was then that we went around lifting up driftwood buried in the sand to look for sea critters. little lobsters, hermits, mudskippers, crabs, etc. and also for the first time i got clawed by a crab. more shells for the collection, as well as more hermits for the injured guy stuck back at the shack.

DAY THREE.
started off with a very cold morning even though we closed all our doors and the shack had no windows. generally a slow end to the trip, everything was easy and relaxed. sat down at the balcony with the rattan chair and stared out into the beautiful scenery, talking to a friend of 8 years.

i went down to the beach to collect more water for his hermits using a mineral bottle, and i was shocked. the water in the bottle looked exactly the same as normal mineral water. even under the sun, the water was crystal clear. shortly after 3 of us packed up and paid our tab. we had the driver take us to the town area to explore, and man was i disappointed. not to be rude, but the town was really outdated. similar to the street areas of malaysia if you've been there.

ended up walking aimlessly around, eating at their KFC which had overfried chicken. not being able to withstand it anymore, we told the driver to take us back to the terminal, where we eventually tipped him for driving us around. and then a 2 hours later, i was home [:

finally coming back to mainland allowed me to finish up some thoughts that i had left undone when i left for bintan. seems that perhaps i had hoped for a little more than reality could provide. while not that im complaining. friendship isn't all that bad anyway. only wished that some times wishes do come through. [:

Waihong, out.

2010-04-08T23:07:00.002+08:00

Arts Leadership Camp: SUCCESS.

Bintan Semi-Backpack Trip: PENDING.

Baby, are you down?

2010-04-07T00:15:00.004+08:00

i wonder if i, out of all others who used to be insensitive, have learnt to read and respond to others' emotions? i don't know if its working out the right way, or if its even working at all, but i know i'm trying my very best to be even a little more sensitive than i was before. yes, i might still be a prick sometimes, being unable to read moods and all, i am giving myself a chance to change this side of me.

and even after being able to read moods, i want to be able to respond to moods. to respond approriately to moods. is it the insecurities i have about myself that prevents my actions? or could it be a natural disablity to do so? i'm guessing its the former. i've often wonder about people's opinions regarding me. times when a person glances at me, i get the feeling that he or she is forming an assumption about me. even more so for people whom i already am familiar with. more and more impressions are made, more and more assumptions are formulated. its in times like those that i wished i could read their minds and see what the world sees Waihong as.

my thoughts are running amok again, with the assumptions i've made on the issues that have been happening around me recently. now more than ever i want them to be affirmed; or disproved as a matter of fact. assumptions are intense negative energies that motivate the (my) mind to run wild. they challenge the scales of logic and common sense, at the same time convincing the host mind to do stupid things.

i wonder what have my asumptions made me do?

You oughta know
Tonight is the night to let it go
Put on a show
I wanna see how you lose control
So leave it behind
'Cause we have a night to get away
So come on and fly with me
As we make our great escape
-Down, Jay Sean

Arts Leadership Camp in the morning, gotta catch some sleep.
Waihong, out.

fruitful day

2010-04-05T23:59:00.001+08:00

its been a nice day today, im honestly pleased.(:

if everday could feel so heartfelt, i wouldn't mind actually turning over a new leaf and be a better person. evening was especially amazing and amusing. had an open-minded chat with 2 of my little juniors while seated on a flight of steps, eating a pretzel and a bowl meesua. haven't had a cool chat session like this in ages, its only sad that we had to part eventually.

but even so, the parting still left me with ONE of them. see not everyone went home immediately. we walked from interchange to bus stop, and eventually agreeing on the silly idea of walking back to pasir ris. i hope her knee is ok, we did walk for over and hour before she went home. reaching pasir ris wasn't the final destination yet. there was contemplation as to whether our walk would end there, and the answer was : NO.

two of us - though not hand-in-hand - wandered through the little streets of my hometown, actively chattering to our neverending topics. its a pity mom and dad were home, or i would have invited her in to rest. an injured knee is still an injured knee even if it doesn't hurts. waited with her for her bus, and finally running across the street to buy shampoo which had mom accidentally thrown away earlier in the day.

even after the outdoor excitment died down, i was greeted with more amusement while at home. the phone rang, heard a load of ranting and also some vacuuming. i was once again put to the challenge to hunt down an unknown blog url. apparently i failed pretty badly. carelessly, i lost my trail and went on a wild goose chase. but of course thanks to a kind little angel with and injured knee that roped me back.

i somehow feel the above tangle of words seem like a dreamy representation of today, but right now, while still vivid in my thoughts, thats how they appear to me. these few days have felt like an entire new world to me. as if i've lost and found myself again in this new plane. i'm not sure why this is happening to me, but i shall observe this newfound me a tad longer.

if you do know who i was referring to in the above, good for you. otherwise, don't question. my thoughts are sealed with a... well. they are muted. tonight i shall fall asleep, feeling satisfied and warm. a few more days to a bundle of events, a few more days to spending more time with loved ones.

till next time,
Waihong, out.

P.S. : methinks that everyone in production crew should learn basic back massage techniques, to massage your poor peers that could have possibly been standing for 6 hours straight.

Relationships

2010-04-04T03:26:00.001+08:00

is it just me that enjoys hearing about a person's life experiences and feelings? i feel that hearing about a person's life stories allows me to feel and understand situations that i don't have the chance to encounter; as well as understand the very person him/herself better.

the need to get to know another person grows stronger within me everyday, since the very day i deceided to step out of my pathetic shell.

just this evening, when i went down to buy my dinner, i saw a girl that i knew lived in pasir ris. probably for as long as i remember, i've seen her pass by me countless times on the streets, or even taken the same buses to the same places. and for the first time today, when she walked pass me, we took a familiar glance at each other, and smiled.

it seems like a hi-bye friend greeting at first, but deep down, i could feel this different sensation churning. i don't have the faintest clue to what that churn could be, and yet it felt really good. its exciting, refreshing yet familiar and nostalgic. im not saying that i might be interested in that girl, just that this puzzling sensation has given me a new motivation.

this could very well be a new start for me. though regretably i couldn't step out any earlier, essentially wasting precious moments and opportunities away. but from now on! i hope to let lesser crucial chances slip through my fingers, no more sand faling from between my fingers.

chance really plays a cruel role sometimes. just as everything seems perfectly ok, there will an oddity or two that makes the perfect episode imperfect. a bro of mine had his heart broken recently, and it came to me as shock honestly. they looked so happy together, no one would have seen the tragedy coming. just as i had my heart broken before, i'm positive the feeling is similar. just as he said, "this is a freepass to curse, swear and talkcock". i've had my freepass once already, i can roughly understand how it feels.

anyhow, dude if you see this, midnight talkcock meet-ups are readily available.

i think i can end the post here and now. hope life bears many fruits of pleasant surprises for me in time to come. and that me and my bros grow stronger and find our special ones soon. well except for 2 of them.
L.O.L.

HEADLINE NEWS: my msn chatting gal just dc-ed and couldn't come back online.

thoughts

2010-04-01T04:10:00.004+08:00

i can feel something is changing in my life. it feels somewhat drastic, yet again minimal. perhaps the change itself applies to me only, that only i will be able to notice it; or maybe i will be oblivious to it, but everyone will be able to tell. either way, its a good thing. change - to me - is somehow always good. being stagnant is bad. every little change counts, be it mental or physical.
today (pardon me, i havent slept yet so its still today) felt like a mini gift to me. i havent felt so alive in a pretty long while. everyone i see, i feel happy. there's so much to talk to people today. i hope this marks the start of a new breakthrough in my life. the finishing line to poly life is already in sight, a few more steps and i'll be there. though there's the yearn to stay in the race, but i guess my road is coming to an end.

sadly its only towards the end that i start seeing things in a different light. guess im always a late bloomer. there's always things i could and should have done while i was still able to but never did. it sucks, but in the end, im just still a little naive soul stuck in a tall mortal body. i'll never feel full accomplished.

the hunger to know is always hounding me, as if its my very nature to want. i'm greedy, and envious. i've still yet to find redeeming points in myself, if my existence serves any good at all. i find myself untalented and inept compared to my peers. i am plagued by insecurities and uncertainty. and above all these, i want to know why. as with the answer, comes a solution to solve. if i knew the source of my weaknesses, i could root out my evils and fill those gaps with my (yet to be uncovered) strengths.

i've been reading blogs of people, some of which i find them extreme accomplished. peers of similar age are taking life and face level, scheming and plotting their lives ahead. some are already savvy in their fields, the others are giving it their all to reach the summit. i find their determination and drive admirable and perhaps desirable.

here i am, ploughing through my infinite amount of "what-ifs", blinded from what really matters. hope i can find my way back on my life track and continue towards a better life. (: i'm off to bed. meeting in the afternoon at 1pm. praying hard that the alarm does its job properly. then again, its my fault for staying up late. meh.

Waihong, out.

- doesn't this little joey look simply adorable?

... sigh

2010-03-28T03:52:00.000+08:00

this is becoming a morbid habit.. late nights. late mornings. goodnight world.

... and there's me again.

2010-03-27T04:56:00.000+08:00

how would everyone be like if there wasn't a Waihong in their lives? and even if there was, what if that Waihong wasn't like me? what if he was nice, gentle, sociable and cool? very much unlike my current crazy, rough reign.

sometimes we unknowingly take the people around us for granted. we let ourselves believe that those people will always be there, tirelessly and endlessly. even i too have taken many persons in my life for granted, and for some, i've paid prices.

we're all humans. we all deserve a level of respect and gratitude. no one should be allowed to deny another's rights to ask for these simple essentials. but then again, it is human to err. and we all do. no normal being has led an error-free life. everyone has made mistakes. and it is those mistakes that i learn and grow from. yes some mistakes may leave trails or scars, but it is up to me to follow the paths of scarrings again, or to avoid and choose another. life is presented full of options and choices; life is a choice itself.

... and i think i'm ready to make another choice i've been avoiding for so long. i might have shamed myself for wasting precious time, but that again has thought me to seize the day. choices choices choices. now thats another phrase for life.

History

2010-03-25T05:19:00.000+08:00

too dramatc a past and too much time makes me stay up super late despite having a meeting in the morning. and the worst possible thing i could waste my precious bed time on is to dwell on the past.

looking back at the mess, putting pieces back together and finally seeing what the entire picture looked like, makes me feel that i was so conceited. conceited beyond comprehension. wasted my time away, and the price i paid was incredible. im sure many dudes and dudettes out there will reprimand me for dwelling on my past again.. but whats done cannot be undone. i have that crappy a past.

as i move forward on the timeline, history displays itself like a movie in my mind's eye. i watch the plot build up, the conflict develop and eventually unfold. and now in the conclusion is where i stand. everything should have a happy ending - is what i would like to think. but sometimes another question would appeal to me: where exactly does it end? and based on that, does it mean it will end when it's happy? i really do hope for everything to be well and happy in the end. until the matter is cleared, i believe i will always be plague - by my guilt, my envy, my wrath, and lastly, my pride.

well its time for my power nap, or i wont survive the meeting.
Waihong, out.

i yearn for the strength to condone.
i pray for the will to perservere.
i desire the end of matters.
i wish for clear skies ahead.

It's all in the GENES.

2010-03-24T02:37:00.003+08:00

does anyone out there think i'm an emo? see, shuhan said i exude an emo aura, especially whenever i'm alone. so i need to confirm this observation of hers.

though at some point i do agree with her, that i become reserved when i'm alone. but still is it so bad to the point that i exude an emo aura? i mean considering my regular behavior around people, i seriously do not think that i'm emo in any ways, except when i'm by myself.

well, call it emo, aloof, or anything else. i call it powersaving mode. there's no need to behave exuberantly when there's no one to hype with right? and i think its a natural thing for me, being alone most of the time... so if i really am an emo, would that make me a natural emo? or perhaps a part-time emo would be more appropriate. at least i dont slash my wrist (:

dear friends, leave me a comment in my board aye?

Waihong, out.

a pat on my shoulder

2010-03-22T01:58:00.000+08:00

man, how often i wished people would do this to me, to put their arms around my shoulder. makes me feel appreciated. despite being way taller than most my peers, doesnt mean my shoulders are used to being snowcapped. and even though i may appear to be nonchalant, or perhaps even emotionless, its all just a facade. i'm just no good with showing emotions with my face.

i not sure why, but some people think that i have a "big brother" image. but hey! even big brothers need to wind down sometimes, can't always be "big" all the time. "big brother" syndrome is in fact due to the fact that i am literally "big" and have always been taking care of the "not-so-big" people around me. being taller makes me feel more compelled to care for others. not that i'm belittling you guys below me, just a reflex reaction.

i wish someone would come along and relief me of my reflex reaction. someone who could make me feel weak and turn me into the one who needed be care for. and that someone will obviously also require my care and concern! and the mega plan will start its cyclic motion: an endless cycle of caring (:
now ain't that a sweet sweet plan?

i admit that being a guy, skinship is a definite easier way for me to connect to people. people whom i can touch feels more real to me than a verbal relationship. i mean whats wrong with friends putting their arms around another?

well this just could be another ranting post, or it could be my heartfelt words. either way, well, meh. wish i can extend a hug to someone who needs one now, or perhaps a bear hug might be even better!

toddles people! have a hug-filled day ahead (:

Waihong, out.

ABC's of growing up

2010-03-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

it might be just melodrama, but i'm starting to feel the "argh" of graduating.

the GEM 5 concert might have marked my last event as a Production Crew crew. as the concert drew to a close, while all the dancers rejoiced, the audience applauded, my heart sank to my feet.

this really is the end.

and as i walked home at night, a song come onto my playlist, Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. listening to the chorus, the lyrics flashed through my mind, their meaning struck deep into my heart.

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing

yes, it almost seems to be expressing out how much i do not want to leave PC. i dont want to just graduate and part from PC as if it was meant to happen. i'm certainly certain that i will miss PC to no end, the simple times where everyone could just gather in a circle and talkcock. and of course not forgetting the taupoks.

it might feel a little childish, but i wish poly life could be a little longer. a little more time to play, to soak up the experiences. a little more time for me to stay in PC.

sometimes i wonder if it was me who helped cultivate PC to its current "splendor"; or was it PC that nutured me to who i am right now. its definitely feels like a nuturing attachment to the club and its members. though i know i will always be welcomed back, i do not even want to leave at all.

even typing this post brings me to the verge of tears. juniors might think its an overreaction, but try putting yourself in my shoes.

it is a place of acceptance to me, where the people i meet and the things i do are appreciated and appreciative.
it is a place of learning how to grow up and meet life on the edge.
it is a place i love and was loved.
it is a place i cannot bear to part from.

alright my nose is getting mysteriously runny, i shall end here and leave you all with the song that started all this emotion.

things undone.

2010-02-15T04:00:00.000+08:00

thinking back about the past, i do realise i've left many things incompleted. some of which are negligence on my own part, others are those that cannot be done.

even though it might seem calm and cosy now, the turbulence from then has still yet to subside. as much as i want to believe its all over, time and time again i am revisited by that haunting, creeping sensation.

its not over yet.

and even so, there seems to be no way for me to rid myself of that haunt. if the source of my problems was humanshaped, i'd rip of his arms and bitchslap himself with them before i drive his arms back into his body. but thats just metaphorical.

maybe its just my own selfish opinion, but i think i have to take further measures this time. its no longer as simple as waiting until the storm subsides.

there is debris where there is a storm. the debris signifies the mark of that storm.

yes the debris left uncleared, and its not going to clear itself. and now that i have time on my hands, its my turn to cast the dice. it has taken too long and way too much superficiality. the comfort zone now longer exists.

i will get my answers this time. my way.

im bored.

2010-02-13T14:31:00.000+08:00

yes im bored. and thats why i blog. its a personal space for me to waste time and express myself in words. sometimes i wished i could dance, or draw/paint as another mean of express myself, its so much more cooler to be able to do it that way. i mean, everyone can blog, but its not everyone who can dance or do art properly. if i'd danced, i'd probably be more popular than i am right now xD.

there's been new things in life to look forward to. new people met. new things NOT done. well im technically still schooling (exams in 2 weeks). the past week of allnighters left me in bad shape. my face looked like a meteor shower landsite. its bad. very bad. gotta spend time sleeping instead of doing things like blogging.

yeah, there's a lost in income this year for me. i mean, im not gonna be visiting any of my relatives in the next 3 days. granny passed on, and the chinese traditioned that i cant celebrate for the entire year. i wished i wasn't chinese sometimes, or at least wished i don't have traditional parents.

speaking of wishes, reminds me of my birthday which passes uneventfully. someone asked me "how are you celebrating your birthday?" and i replied "with my projects..". damn sad right? i need my presents people! if everyone gave me 10bucks, i could possibly gather enough to buy myself a PSP already..

well. toddles. im off for lunch.

Waihong, out.

yes.

2010-02-02T13:56:00.000+08:00

I AM 20.

type my fingers! type!

2010-01-17T04:25:00.000+08:00

as if typing a script for theatre is not enought, i've migrated to the blog to continue typing! and at 4am in the morning. joy.

and as the nights draw longer, my mind goes into autopilot. unable to think of what's important right now. basically haywire. (hence i'm at the blog)

i wonder how long has it been since i talked to you? probably almost 2 months since we had a decent conversation that could last more than 2 sentences. and i think about all the past times, there was always a basic level of communication available. you'd call if you're bored, i'd IM if i were.

now, even smsing seems impossible. much less call or IM. you've been on my mind some times, and i would wonder how are you doing, or if you're ok. although i could pretty much guess given facebook etc. i wonder if you're waiting for me to try again? or you're still at square one: not comfortable talking to me.

right now projects are killing me, and i dont really have the mood to take up a pencil to write a snail mail. so i was thinking that maybe emailing might be a better option?

well, not to say you'd even read this space. heck. i'll just send an email. and see what happens.

Waihong, out.

thunder.

2010-01-12T00:50:00.000+08:00

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder.

I said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors.
I don't wanna ever love another.
You'll always be my thunder.

So bring on rain,
Oh, baby bring on the pain.
And listen to the thunder.

Boys Like Girls - Thunder.

things to do:

2010-01-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

i still have that one letter i've yet to write.
that one letter that should be containing many thoughts of mine that i couldn't convey.
that one letter that should be asking questions i couldn't ask.
that one letter that should be flowing with my feelings.
that one letter that should be written, but isn't.

and now when i come to think of it, what do i want written in the letter? i've been going on and on and on, and now i can't pen into words what i've been saving up to ask. not to say it doesn't matter anymore, although emotionally diluted, but logically still focused. i just can't seem to remember! D:

from one point of view this might be a good calling, that things are getting diluted as time goes by, that my feelings are slowly calmed.

then again, when i turn back and look at my demise, and saw what the screwed-up-me could not do, there's the urge to complete the task i set out to accomplish, although with different objectives now. logically speaking.

im not too sure if it isn't my brain forcefully deleting bad files from my memory, but i wished i had them now cos i need to remember what i wanted to ask.

impatient me thinks that
snail mail is somewhat i tad too slow.
gives the recepient too much time to think
thus allowing them to create a perfect reply
which may not entirely reflect their thoughts at the moment.
this is why i hate snail mail.
and it takes wayyyy too long
for the snail to come back with a mail.

Waihong, out.

just because i wanna.

2010-01-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

there's so much other more important things to do, but yet i chose to blog instead. 2 journals for Utheatre, model design for CGP, Java for CAOS, i've really got no priorities do i?

only until recently i've started to realise there really are people around me that will accept me for ~~who~~ how i am. people who are willing to flow along with my mindless chatter; people who are willing to play along with my reckless frolic. to all these people out there, i thank you and you will always be cherished.

standing around in a circle and yakking on about nonsense has never made so much sense to me before. the feeling's are all coming back. the warmth i've lost somewhere along my journey. the sensation of being needed and appreciated. a playful pat on the back, a sincere smile, the comfort of just being with one another.

its like all my senses been diluted to the point i became so self-conscious, so self-centred that i forgot the world around me. and it took such a ridiculously hard blow to knock me to my feet. now the world seems entirely different. from a metaphorical point of view, i feel like a wild stallion running through the greens. i can hear the wind breezing pass my ears, feel the sun beating down on my skin. i actually feel good.

someone commented, saying that my blog makes her wanna slash her wrist everytime she visits, and frankly i agreed with her. looking back all my old post made me wanna slash my own wrist. i mean, how did i ever grow to be so dark and emotional? did i think it was cool being emo?

but i've decided that all those older stories of mine, should just be branded as bullshit. they aren't worth crap to even revisit, maybe with the exception of my jellyfish post [: i'm gonna start leaving the past behind, there's a bright new day ahead of me everyday! people to pokefun of, ladies to impress, guys to bull with, jellyfish to blog about! YES.

i've just realised how superbly long i've gone on for, and haha, i'm starting to feel so silly about all these. i mean, i've never been so cheery about my life and now here i am blogging like a little girl who just got a new doll.

goodbye old me, it was fun while it lasted.
but now it seems that all you did was screw us up.
so here is the new me, shoving a knuckle into your face.
"this is for being so fucking emo."

Waihong, out.

how now brown cow?

2010-01-04T17:18:00.000+08:00

looks like its back to the snail mail.

hopefully this way we can resolve our problems.

and i personally hope i can find another motivation in life.

its not that i'm not trying to move on either.

we just lack the understanding we used to have.

i mean, i'm not good with waiting. especially that i have to wait for nothing to happen.

and i'm impatient as hell.

hence thats why i'm getting frustrated while i wait.

hope you can understand this.

well, the next time you will me would be on paper

so i guess this space might be dead for abit.

pride or shame

2010-01-03T18:19:00.001+08:00

i don't know why i feel like this all the time, and neither do i want to push blame unto someone else. i am trying my best to stay sane and distracting myself from all the negativity. but even so i don't want to keep running away from the issue. i want to face it. pointblank.

i am ready to face up to the facts. but its now you who's delaying the procedures. you want this to end? then do it fast. stop being distracted by anything else.

get your mind straight.

find your path.

define your answers.

face up to reality.

i've got my heartbroken. and yet i have to be the one telling you all these? im not sure i should feel proud or you should feel ashamed.

running away is not gonna help anyone or anything. you know it.

it has to end. you have to end it.

Waihong, out

F. M. L. and maybe yours too.

2010-01-03T04:05:00.001+08:00

it has been quite a some time since the start of this whole mess, and frankly speaking, i'm running short on fuse to burn. for everyday that this crap drags on, i'm burdening myself with the fact that i've ruined someone's life, and i might just snap and really go crazy. (guys it's just a figure of speech. ain't really gonna happen)

yes, i did say i'll wait for you. and perhaps you could be so kind to at least talk to me. no point sounding so nice on your blog, it just sounds like a bad cover-up story. don't talk about my life like it is yours when you don't understand shit.

to mr. good friend:
i know we have had a number of misunderstandings and conflicts unresolved. you seek to let them wriggle off by themselves but i want to let you know, what you've done, what you've tried so hard to possess is intimidating me. and i need time to cool off, to let it sink down. and i feel this cool off is best for both of us. you have your time to adjust to a more less hectic lifestyle. nevertheless thank you for being someone so close to me for these few years. i really treasure you. take care and no more wellowing in depression!

yes and please treasure me lots. thanks. I'M FUCKING WELLOWING IN ANGER NOW!!

come on. face up to this. if you truly believe that there's nothing wrong and you haven't done anything wrong then why the shy-away? i've been trying as hard as shit to be ok about all this, and i already am. the really matter now is YOU. what the fuck is wrong with you?

if you're never gonna be ok with me in this lifetime, then tell me to fuck off. i will be fine with that. no need engage me in a hide-and-seek tumble and then leave me to hang dry. things are not gonna resolve themselves like evaporation. tell me what you want and it shall be done. i've had enough of you and your boytoy hiding away in the wardrobe.

and especially for HIM. stop being such a pussy. you're making me regret that i tried to be nice.

if you're actually reading this. stare long and hard, cos this is the real emotions i've been bottling up. and if you are getting a kick seeing me fucking up my life, please do drop me a call to say you're having a good time. cos seriously, one phone call won't hurt. i'll even pay you your 5minutes phone bills.

till this point, i've never wanted to be playing the bad guy. but its precisely it is this point, i realised there is a need for a bad guy to make things move faster. don't mistaken this declaration for me trying to ruin us, cos for a while now, its you who's been ruining us. patience doesn't pay.

i'll speak of some truth:
i've subtly become more flirtatious in my behaviour towards the ladies around me (hope they don't mind).
i've also started reconnecting with some of the people around me.
i've started speaking my mind more often.

i'm trying to make a change to my own life. and frankly, i am feeling rather good. but there's always this you thats bugging this revolution.

ok, i've said more than what is needed already. i never thought this point would come this soon. perhaps as last words before i go, i shall tell you this: if you two really are serious about getting together, why bother keeping the relationship a secret from your corporation? unless its all a sham, or a fling.

well thats about all so...
Waihong, out.

ps. i apologise for the increase in profanities used in this post.

last day of 2009

2009-12-31T18:16:00.001+08:00

well here it is, the final 6 hours before 2010. and here i am slouching at home in front of this screen typing a blog entry.

but of course, this post is special. as i continue tapping my fingers into the keyboard, i started to reminisce about the year that had just past as fast as a snap of the fingers.

a year filled with frolic, laughter, tears, frowns, heartfelts, heartbreaks, loved ones, friends, family etc. there's so much emotion contained within my memories.

and come next year will be a new start to collect new memories while the old ones are kept away. inevitably there will also be bad things that come with the new year, but thats also what makes the new year worth looking forward to isnt it? to see how much i've grown in the past year.

in 2010 will mark the start and end of many things in my life. i will be graduating from my title of a student, become an NSman, and of course, i'll be 20 years old. no longer a teenager anymore. that means i'll have to grow up even more to survive the currents of the adult world, to be more independant and more stable. no more whimpy attitudes and childish tantrums.

but even i as i turn into an old man, i will have to remember one thing. friends. the very people that have supported me when im down at my lowest; flown with me when im at my highest; and simply sat with me when life seems mundane.

to my friends, i give you this one promise: i will be there for you, just as you have been there for me. all of you are important to me as water is to fish. without you, there is no waihong. lets make 2010 an amazing year!

and not forgetting the one person who gave me the most amounts of heartfelts and heartbreaks, i will give you your time and your space. i wish you nothing but the best, and if you think im not up to it, then so be it. all i ask of you is to not take me for granted. i admit i may have expendable amounts of time, but that doesnt mean i like to be exploited.

there might be turbulences with the coming of the new year, but even so, i hope you dont forget about me. the rift between us is as big as hell already, so dont make it any bigger alright? i know i wont. here's to us and the new year.

ok enough with my mushy messages. to all who reads this on time: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! (in.. 5hrs 45mins)

good luck to everyone who will try to send out smses at 0000hrs x)

Waihong, out.

feeling "dulan"

2009-12-28T16:45:00.000+08:00

yes i'm having this odd bout of dulan-ness around me today. feels like everything is not going well. not at all.

my thoughts were cloudy, couldn't think straight at all. i'm ill. very very very ill.

physically i'm down with a cough that gives me hell at night. having been lacking rest for almost a week already. and the restlessness is taking its toll on my mind.

not to mention that my mind already wasn't in good shape right from the start. its been torturous. everyday i wake up with a swirling headspin of thoughts i just can't get out of my head.

nothing is going well i'd say. Nothing.

though i strongly believe my physical health and mental health are interlinked. as long as both are not recovering well, the other will not either. and the worse news of all: they both are not recovering well, even on their own.

i feel like i'm in a semi state of concussion, having an imaginary clamp tightening on my head. i know i'll eventually recover from my cough,

but who will help me recover from my slashed up heart?

i know there are the people who say "she's screwing up your life", and also "we're/i'm concerned about you going crazy". but seriously, its not that i'm taking all of you for granted, but sometimes there will bound to be somethings that will diss your friends off. somethings you want, someone you like.

right now, although everyone is saying its for my good, and i really really appreciate the good thoughts. but who i really want is. yeah. you all know the answer. you could reprimand me for it all you like, but thats how stubborn i've become. and i really love who i love.

like i've said before, i will make attempts to like what you guys may like, though it may not be entirely. so i hope that at least some of you will become and encouragement to me instead of a rebellion.

sorry guys, but i love her. and thats my resolution.

Waihong, out.

HO HO HO!

2009-12-25T10:57:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

oh look! its Santa and the 3 hoes!

its a new day.

2009-12-23T11:49:00.000+08:00

i don't know for how long can i hold my resolve regarding this matter,

just hope that keep my resolve will yield some results.

see ultimately i'm the stubborn one, perhaps the scaredy-cat in the story.

when bad things happen, some will sympathize, some will capitalize. some will do both.

wonder which one will i be when it eventually happens?

resolve resolve resolve.

will my immature resolve be strong enough?

Waihong, out.

-just one smile and one sweet kiss, from the heart.

ok im back.

2009-12-21T14:46:00.031+08:00

managed to make it back at slightly past 2pm, thinking that i could ask you out for lunch. and yet, looks like time and luck is not on my side.

everytime i think of you, 1001 things come to my mind, things i wanted to say so much, but don't have the balls to. because i'm afraid that you will hate me. yet there are things i will say, things like I've missed you the most when i was gone.

sometimes i wonder, if i should just leave you be, and not to care or be concerned for you. how would things end up? will you just take it for its surface impression and leave me be as well? or will you come back to me, saying you need me in your life?

all thesacrifices i made for you, i'm guessing they will never come back. you don't even know that i made sacrifices for you. or perhaps they just aren't worth enough to you. my time, my energy, my heart and soul. now i'm the one thinking, maybe i'm the expendable one here. gave too much, asked for too little. doesn't pay to be on my end.

sometimes i wonder if you even read my blog, where all my feelings are poured out here.

NO. i don't think you do. 'cause if you did, you would know.

bye bye malaysia!

2009-12-21T00:57:00.004+08:00

tonight is the last night i'm gonna spend in M'sia.

started of with immense feelings of depression from having to miss out my xmas parties in SG,

to unparallelled boredom in the prayer halls,

to rekindled brotherhood with my cousins,

to the mini-excitement of attending my first cosplay convention,

and finally, to now, the burning passion to go back to my birthland.

never had i wanted to go home so badly, where all the mundane occurances in life happens.

i know i will eventually come to miss everything good that has happened these entire week -

Kammy, Karmen, Kay, Kit, Eric, Edward, and Clement, you will all be missed!!

the next time i'll get to see them would be... after NS? by then the little ones would be growing, the growing ones would be grown, and the rest of the story.

and also not forgetting my equally loved peeps i've left abruptly in SG!

I'M COMING BACK!!

oh and sorry, i didnt buy back any xmas gifts apparently.. >_<

arghh cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait!!

okok i shall be going to bed in a while. last words here.

Waihong, out.

P.S: if you've even wondered - no i didnt cosplay.
P.P.S: anyone out there who cares for me, please buy me a pack of good cough drops! khnxbye.

-loves.

and of course, there was you too:)

pix.

2009-12-20T08:15:00.003+08:00

YOU KILLED MY FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDEY!!

more can be found at here and here

last moments.

2009-12-19T07:53:00.002+08:00

later on today will be the last moments of granny on this mortal world before the cremation. expecting to see a lot of brawling from my 姑婆s and perhaps my aunts as well.

i'll blog more about it when i come back.

pressed for time.

Waihong, out.

P.S: Cousin, its a pity you're not able to come.

day 3 of the wake.

2009-12-18T17:45:00.002+08:00

I AM BADLY DEPRIVED.
everyone's out to play, while i have to suffer the sting of incense smoke and the ringing of prayers.

somebody please help me!!

or you can come online at 1am to accompany me [:

this is waihong - deprived, bored, ill, and getting more ill,
out.

Countdown to Singapore: 72 hours and counting.

in malaysia.

2009-12-17T17:54:00.002+08:00

hello hello first post ever made in Malaysia. first post ever made during the course of a funeral.

"am i bored?" you ask me.

HELLYEAH I AM!

not all the time though. only during the prayer hours.

1930 - Prayer Session I
2030 - Break
2100 - Prayer Session II
2145 - Break
2215 - Prayer Session III
2300 - End of Day

the prayer consists of 3 buddhist monks chanting what-seems-to-be-chinese.

and so i was thinking: if my christian relatives can avoid the prayer, me being non-buddhist.. can i avoid it too?

oh well.

on the other note,

MY HEART IS STILL LODGED IN SINGAPORE!!

to those who partied yesterday, "How was it?"

to those who are going to club tomorrow, "Have fun! Take more pictures too [:"

to those who thought about me, "I'm fucking bored outta my mind."

not to mention im on the verge of a fever, spamming vitamins to stay alive.

ok i gotta go back to the parlor.

more to come in the next days i guess.

will be heading back on Monday.

Waihong, out.

milestones

2009-12-15T11:29:00.003+08:00

damn i have to miss 2 engagements for a funeral.
its not that i dont love my grandmother, it's just super untimely.
how badly i have anticipated the gatherings.
i am more saddened knowing i'll be missing my last party with my PC guys and girls, while i am still an official member inside;
and also missing 5712's first club gathering.
not that i'm trying to be unfilial, but..
why now?!

i could cry at the thought of missing my gatherings,
thats how much they mean to me.
people, please feel sad for me not being able to join you all.
kthxbye.
will be in Malaysia from today until end of the week.
please miss me lots...

a sunday.

2009-12-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

filled with middle age uncles prancing about a smallish stage with oldies playing in the background.

i've come to realise how gigantic my paternal family tree is.. lets do some maths!

my grandfather's generation has 10 grandpersons including himself.

each grandperson bore an average of 5 children: 5 x 10 = 50

each child(now middle-aged) has a spouse: 50 x 2 = 100

each family has an average of 2 kids: 50 x 2 = 100

so in total.. grandparents + parents + kids = 10 + 100 + 100 = 210.

i'll murder whoever asks me to draw my family tree!!

heck there are even cousins my father didnt knew he had..

oh hey at least the food at the wedding dinner was above average.

and there was also this pretty girl at the dinner. she was kinda hot to add.

BUT! her dad and my dad are cousins, which means we're cousins. now that sucks. she really was a pretty little one T-T. what a waste.

well i gotta go shower and sleep. toodles~

trivia info: my dad once designed text for tee shirts. what a surprise!

slightly newer skin!

2009-12-13T05:37:00.003+08:00

a more refreshing look to compared to my previous blogskin!

this time, this bugger is hand-coded entirely by ME!

buttttt anyway, here's a tiny update on whats been happening:-

i've come to realize that there's no real other way to stop the pain from coming back.

if i care, it will hurt. and if i don't, it also will hurt.

so.. how now brown cow?

oh the folly.

2009-12-06T00:06:00.002+08:00

so many occurances in my life i've wished i've dealt with differently.

the insane repressed feelings of foolishness leaks into my mind whenever i think about these occurances.

my memory can be easily divided into two distinct emotions: Nostalgia and Regret.

Nostalgia for all the fun times i experienced. Regret for all the mistakes i've brought about.

the Nostalgia is uncomplex: simple, pure and wholesome.

the Regret is otherwise: complicated, tainted and fragmented.

but there's not only purely Nostalgia or Regret, there are occurances where both emotions come into play. things i've missed yet felt bad for.

hmm. i really feel like a doomsayer of my own life.

toodles.

the end.

2009-12-02T04:31:00.003+08:00

breath dry as a desert,
legs heavy like lead.

his head held high,
eyes to the moon.

the lonely wanderer finds his way back to where his heart is safe,
never once turning back on what was left of his demise.

he sang as he journeyed,
songs of hope and love.

"no matter how much i hate you,
i will still love you one way or another."

last words spoken,
hearts opened.

paths decided,
heart broken.

"this is the most logical choice after all,
and logical what i'm made to be."

worry not my love,
it is for you that i live and breathe,
it is for you that i break and mend.

and it is for you,
that i leave.

-Anonymous

insomnia.

2009-12-01T04:17:00.004+08:00

can't.. sleep..

must be something bothering me.

admittedly there has been quite a bit of drama happening outside my social circle.

the drama is probably first of its kind in my coming 20years of living.

and damn, its draining me away.

i'm losing whatever motivation i once had.

just this evening/night i stoned quite few moments already.

all because of you.

and i am reaping what i sowed, some many years back.

its until now i finally understood what is meant by you reap what you sow.

but is it too late to be asking for a miracle?

tell me somebody: to move, or not to move?

although there already has been a rejected opinion of to move.

am i too passive for my own good?

will i ever get out of my own wormhole?

swim! Waihong swim!

i need a direction, and indication, that i am passing the right judgement.

that i am making the right decisions for my life.

saying that, i believe i will have to force myself to bed.

mundane life begins in the aftermoon again.

hopefully i'll still be able to smile sincerely.

i'm too emotional for my own good.

hermit.

2009-12-01T03:46:00.005+08:00

find me a shell to put my emotions in.

trading centre

2009-11-27T16:43:00.003+08:00

i dont know if its my misperception, but lately i've been feeling a little empty. feeling as if i've given too much. sacrificed to much. and received peanuts in return.

perhaps in the past, i may be used to receiving peanuts. but that's because i only gave up peanuts.

im confused. im lost. need a form of guidance, need a form of comfort.
need a Direction.

will someone kindly offer me a detailed walkthrough for my life? its feeling pretty f**ked up right now, i could use the extra help.

this feels like a middle-age crisis falling upon a coming-20 year-old. impatient, angsty, reckless. its a bad blend of bad ingredients.

maybe its time to recollect. recollect fragments of me i've given away to those who mattered, and those who don't.

my teacher was right:
its either i'm really helpful, or downright stupid.

she might not have meant anything behind it, but i wished i had saw the silver lining earlier in my life. being really really helpful to others, is shortchanging yourself. because, not everyone will realised you're helping, and much less appreciate you for it.

i've lost my status quo. and i need to get the balance back. between taking and giving, between helpful and stupid.

and although i don't want to put this into practice, but i will say this:
If you don't need me, then I don't need you either. Don't come crying to me when your world caves in.

my world comes as a give and take "trading centre".

'tis been awhile!

2009-11-11T01:04:00.002+08:00

a very long whle in fact, since i blogged.

many many things have happened since start of school until now, almost a month has passed already.

but lets just focus on the "right-nows" shall we?

"right-now", is the rehearsal for PC's own production called "DREAMS II: Celebration for Cause". (punchline named by yours truly:D) but im not really gonna be saying much about it. or rather, i'll talk about other aspects of it. MY aspects. (HAHA.)

it seems only after entering poly 3 have i realised that, there is a wanting to leave trails of myself in school. trails that say "Waihong was HERE."

see,
i love my club.
i love the people in my club.
i love the people my club has allowed me to worked with.
i love the things my club has allowed me to do.
from passion comes love [:

there has been many ups and downs, lefts and rights, being in PC. but everything - EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING - that has happened due to being in PC has made me grow, even by just a tiny bit.

and maybe thats why i've grown exceptionally attached to PC. nothing people say can make me leave PC. sure, once it was due to friendship + passion that led me there, but now, passion is all thats keeping me in. nothing less.

i dont wanna leave PC, even if i leave school, i still dont wanna leave PC. just as this club has seen and made me grow, i have seen and made the club grow. from its reduced state from when i first entered as a junior crew, to now, where i can state proudly that i am the club's secretary (ok i know im not the sexiest of secretaries). i gave my time, sweat and blood, in return of incomparable satisfaction and personal growth.

every show, production, or even just plain simple gatherings, i feel so elated just knowing i belong to this awesome club that does its job so quietly and yet so essential.

and so i shall end here saying this:

The Show Will Go On...

haaaaave you met me? [:

2009-10-17T12:55:00.003+08:00

amazing stunt,
caught me complete off-guard,
leaving me stunned for 5secs
bleah.

not exactly the best way i'd like to leave an impression, but oh well. it worked anyway [:

and lets not say about what happened right after that, shall i?

group gathering later.. gotta go out for my appointment first lest i make some little lady wait for me.

toodles~

Note: I'm Dying

2009-10-14T15:22:00.002+08:00

its been more than a week with no laptop to use at my disposal.

im bored shit already.

thinking back, today marks the 10th day i've gone without my beloved laptop which died last Monday, the 5th.

attempts to find replacement WAS successful, for only a day. my new plaything served its purpose for only a meer 6 hours before it pooped out, sending me back to City Hall to get it serviced.

someone please calculate how much more unlucky i can get.

and thanks.

What is Happening?

2009-09-06T02:26:00.005+08:00

well thats what i'd love to ask myself, if i ever could see "me" as a person..

im getting easily restless recently,

over things i could have done but did not do;

issues that have bugged me since who knows when;

and over plain nothingness.

seems that i've really lost my drive in life, there's really nothing there to mush me to where i wanna be. no more motivation.

i'm honestly envious of peers and friends with significant goals and dreams they want to achieve in life, along with the drive they need to ride towards.

and all i have is a crooked brain and i distasteful liking for distasteful things.

waiting for things that aint possibly gonna happen.

waihong, oh waihong, what are you going to do with yourself?

perhaps this coming vacation came along just as i needed it.

time for everything. time for nothing.

time to sort my thoughts out.

Gamers.

2009-08-27T23:01:00.000+08:00

it has just dawned upon me that (some) SINGAPOREAN gamers are really and definitely conceited beyond hope.

... hum beyond the screen one.

as a quote goes:
“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.”

and one of the worst victories you can pull out of your pocket if a to beat someone at rudeness.

it would seem to me that people are losing their "politeness" as time goes on.

especially for SGers on the net.

to me, being in a cyber world where no one can see how you look like, or hear how you speak, words are the sole things that can be used to define a user/being.

being all arrogant and demeaning simply indicates you, a netizen, as a person whose all bark and no bite.

i believe the elites are the ones that keep their glory within. and even so within, they can still stand out and be respected. no need for lowly "GG NOOBERS" or "GO TRY PACMAN" etc jeers.

God i hate gamers. Online ARROGANT gamers. i'd flame them if i could. ><" well, that is to say, im pretty much a netizen myself..

the sun, the moon and me

2009-08-12T23:14:00.001+08:00

its not about the sun or anything,
its about people.
enthusiastic and focused people.
persistant and consistant people.
the more they shine,
the more i want to hide away.i get turned off.and i wonder why.
Why Wai?

its supposed to be a good thing,
being exposed to positive human vibes,
like being exposed to positive sun rays.
and yet, im like a vampire
hiding away from the sun.
maybe i just dislike people who shine.
perhaps its just about their consistancy and persistancy.

oh, spare me from your light,
spare me from disliking you.
its not you that i want to disapprove,
its your glow and shine
that i shy away from.
Too bright, too bright.

i know you cant help it,
that just how you are.
like how the sun never cease to burn,
you never cease to shine.
Just like the sun.

i pray you find your sunshine boy,
someone who enjoys your light
and not turn tail in the face of it.
A sun tan perhaps?

and for me,
a little moonlight should suffice.
a reflection of the sun,
a part of the night.
she might be cold,
and yet still so beautiful.
My moonlight flower,
Where are you?

dead?

2009-08-01T11:59:00.001+08:00

one more blog for the orbituaries??

dont know.

dont care.

i'll post when i wanna.

life currently sucks, at some certain points at least. getting really really displeased with my MPSIP, and the equipment's not making me any happier either.

hoping for National Day to come soon.. not that im a patriot or anything, its the gathering at marc's place, getting pretty psyched up as it approaches. being around nutty friends is one of the few things i live for [:

feeling really really not "it" right now, otherwise i wouldnt even be blogging now. i think need some companionship.

maybe a girlfriend.

most definitely a girlfriend.

but all talk and no walk gets me nowhere =.= there's definitely someone out there for me, just who, where and when? will my future girlfriend please raise up your hand so i can see you? gosh.

tomorrow marks my first job assignment. hopefully i dont suffer from the jitters when im presenting!

thats all folks, im off to shower and bed.

god bless y'all out there with goodsome life [: lol.

immortal organism

2009-06-27T12:09:00.004+08:00

the only biologically immortal organism on earth, also know as the Turritopsis Nutricula!

and yes, its a jellyfish, of all things.

after becoming a sexually mature adult, can transform itself back into a child (the polyp stage) using the cell conversion process of transdifferentiation.
Read More

Transdifferentiation in biology takes place when a non-stem cell transforms into a different type of cell.
Read More

now wouldn't it be cool if we lived from birth till we're 30+ and then grow back into a 8yearold kid?

its The Curious Case of Turritops Nutricula!!

Its been a while!

2009-06-12T01:28:00.006+08:00

many many many things have happened since the last post that actually made sense.

time has been gracious, allowing me to think and resolve certain issues that have been floating aimlessly inside my mind.

for one, ~~i think~~ im certain im turning into a bum/potato-couch.

asides from those lucky issues to have been resolved, there are still the "unluckier" ones, yet to received salvation from this holy brain of mine.

maybe im yet again procrastinating - very bad habit of mine. and that is also one of the many things i've yet - and refused - to resolve.

random as i am, i'll end here abruptly with a poem.[:

toodles!

HOLD ME
Hold me,
Until I can't feel the pain anymore.
Hold me,
Protect me from the ones that hurt me so.
Hold me,
Show me the love heals all wounds.

I don't want to hurt anymore,
I don't want to feel the harshness of the world.
Keep me safe,
And hold me close.

Hold me,
As I cannot hold myself.
Hold me,
So I don't feel alone anymore.
Hold me,
And I'll be okay.
-taken from here

videos post!

2009-06-02T21:14:00.002+08:00

poor dude. wana switch? [;

your a fag!
no, your a fag!
me? no, your a fag!
..etc etc etc....

SIP on the way!

2009-05-30T19:06:00.002+08:00

i believe its already 50% complete!

(and with only 2-3days' worth of work!)

hurraying for me and gordon and gerald.

lets hope everything sails smoooooth~

50% more! WE CAN DO IT!

taken from somewhere on the World Wide Webb.

2009-05-18T23:33:00.002+08:00

Pirate Bay founders invent the DDo$ Attack

simply geniuses at work:

The guys from the Pirate Bay have a a 30million SEK fine which they say they won't pay. However they have come up with a plan where all their users can join in which works like this.
Everyone sends a small amount of money in an electronic transfer to the law firm that represnted the music industry. Suggested amount is 1 SEK (equivalent to 0.13 USD. Apparently the law firm's bank account is only allowed 1000 electronic transactions before it starts to cost them, the account holder money.
The charge per transfer at this point is, wait for it... 2 SEK. Thus after the first 1000 SEK, if people send just 1 SEK it will cost the law firm more than the money they receive to process.
Welcome to the Distributed Denial of Dollars attack (DDo$).

butcher.

2009-05-09T03:29:00.002+08:00

some ties have been cut,

and there's blood and guts splattered everywhere.

good job waihong,

i salute thee with loving abundance of sarcasm.

at least the deed's been done,

that's why there's blood and guts everywhere.

and now comes the task,

how to clean it up?

SIP@WAIHONG'S BLOG

2009-05-05T23:03:00.003+08:00

this is the start of the third week's delay without my hardware. the PROMISED hardware. yeah and Kerk is too busy to give shit about me and my group.
what faith can you have in your SIP supervisor and the SIP itself when:

1. Your supervisor knows peanuts about the hardware.
2. Your supervisor is too busy to even check if you come to lab everyday.
3. The SIP hardware still has not been shipped to the school (into my hands).

i think me and my guys are screwed big time this semester. and to think i actually made a to-do-list saying "work hard for SIP". what work is there to work hard for when you dont know what you dont know?

things have been pretty erratic in my life. from constant waiting everyday from 830am to 530am, to finding random games to play. not forgetting the physical-chanting-reminder around me all day. yes gerald, you know its you. the locomotive to move just sputters and dies sometimes when im reminded of some things ok? its not exactly the best fuel for me alright?

there are things i want to know, but yet i just dont have the guts to undercover the answer myself. perhaps its the fear of unwanted answers creeping onto me, leaving me in a pool of self-contentment with how things already are.

then again, the other fear - fear of not knowing - clings on to me, coercing me to mush forwards or risk being on the shorter end with no idea why.

i know life is not smooth sailing all the way - and i probably have no rights to complain - but why dont things sometimes just be convenient for me? its been 2 setbacks already, but hey, im no superman.. and i still have some other things on hand which i will not be putting onto this space.

i dont know what to put here anymore. only images are flashing through my head, giving me headaches and mental pressure. i'll be going off now. till another time..

i want to know why
it had to be
you.

Blood Veins of the System.

2009-04-27T23:42:00.004+08:00

just as blood vessels link up the body, patch wires/cables link up the mixer to the equalizer and amplifier, creating one wholly embodiment.

Now thats some cool shit [;

Dinner was cool, talking about using whole-sized chickens as captain's ball's "ball", or as boxing gloves -.- Imagine having 2 RAW gutted chickens on your fists. and every punch you pull is accompanied by flapping-naked-wings. Not forgetting squishy, squashy, slimey sounds! Gruel isnt it? [:

Am i not initiative/gutsy enough as a guy? :S Seriously, im not sure if its peer pressure, or im really retarding down the ladder. Someone give me a pointer or two? GAHH. Chanting names does not help; neither does salutations. I need insight, and maybe tougher balls while im at that.

I'm bashful;
and its not alright.
I want to stand out.
I want to do it right.

this is what we all should be listening to

2009-04-27T01:01:00.005+08:00

thanks shuhan for the introduction [:

just updating..

2009-04-26T03:58:00.002+08:00

SIP's been really really down the dump for the past week. nothing is happening! i mean the hardware's not in yet, and all KERK asks us to do is "brush up your Java". WTF?! and going to school everyday to clock-in at around 830am feels like an insane waste of my sleeping time.

thankfully the past week has occupied me with the CCA recruitment drive for 3 days. not a very proud number but PC did get a total of 74 signups! which reminds me i have to email all of them..

well next week's gonna be even more tiring as 2 days introductory workshop comes along and then another 2 days of interview..

AND THEN ITS FOLLOWED BY LABOUR DAY! hurray-.-

i shall be ending off this post here. may next week be fruitful for me and my life [;

its the big things
that make life beautiful;
but the littlest things
that complete it.

new sem resolution!

2009-04-19T15:14:00.003+08:00

today's the last moments of the sem-end holidays, think i've gotten a little fatter over doing nothing, but shouldnt be an issue since school is starting..
although i suspect my SIP/MP will involve me on my ass ALOT ALOT ALOT.

just figured i should put up a small list of things to do as well..

1. work hard!!
2. work HARDER!!
3. exercise more/shape up
4. rearrange my room
5. move in the treadmill to my room!

"stay focused waihong! dont stray or your balls will fall off."

restaurant city.

2009-04-18T22:20:00.005+08:00

been playing too much of this =.=

even now its running on the other browser windows (i have 2 accounts! >.<")

school officially opens in 2 more days, and the holidays have seem to just float by unnoticed. it happens every time, every holiday.

just as today, i slept at 6am all the way to 6pm. must have been the aircon + closed blinds.

seriously this will become a very habit of mine. i'm turning nocturnal somehow. hopefully i can switch back to being a daytime person and obediently go to school to clock in at 8am every-working-day.

wish me luck[;

Temasek Regatta...

2009-04-18T00:05:00.001+08:00

...was tiring, schwetty..

yet still quite happening [:

nothing much else to add cos im too tired already.

oops.

2009-04-17T00:17:00.005+08:00

sometimes i wished i wasnt such a good information hunter. that would prevent me from seeing things i do not wish to know about. but seems that im too much of a nosyparker..

and damn. my new timetable starts from EIGHTam to SIXpm, FIVEdays a week. kinda like a working class man already.

dont you just ADORE my new skin?[; give me color suggestions alrighty?

oh why is time so unfair..

its been awhile..

2009-04-16T08:56:00.001+08:00

yes as the title says,
ITS BEEN A LONG LONG WHILE MY DEAR BLOG!
and many much things have happened.

Arts Leadership Camp - i got than what i expected from i guess (;
possibly not something i cannot handle,
just havent been in touch with my other side for some time already.
not to say i've been constantly in touch with it before.

this time, its some new, different.
though i dare not challenge my preferences.

"What if it turns out the same way again, Waihong?"

than i guess it's just my luck.
and i should probably scrub/bleach my tongue.

and actually to think it all started from the 10cent coin.
thats a tiny spark, and i guess i was laden with fuel(full of fats to ignite).

its a slow journey from here on out,
hopefully things goes well!
and facebook is a wonderous website(;

well i'd be going to school,
just like i've did so since start of april,
and perhaps i'll get lucky?

i'll leave y'all to your imagination how lucky i could get(:

im off[:

ps. if you visitors have noticed, you have been redirected to my new blog link (;

Ranting,

2009-03-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

i dont know why,

but im feeling really cranky ever since i got off the phone

all i want to do now is diffuse the crank through my fingers

and onto the keyboard,

thus making words appear here.

I REALLY DONT LIKE EASILY IRRITABLE PERSONS WHO CANNOT TAKE SARCASM.

nothing personal against them,

i just dont want them to have anything

AGAINST ME AND MY SARCASTIC MOUTH.

i dont understand why the EIPs cannot bear with me

whenever all i want to say is my own feelings regarding them.

and i'd have to put on a face/tone just to pacify their fragile emotions.

this makes me UNREAL

and im not in favor of THAT.

why cant we all just laugh sarcasm off?

why must you feel the insult behind it?

is your esteem so weak that you cant take even the slightest whack to your chest?

does every sentence i say have to be harmonious music to your ears?

NO. I REFUSE.

IF YOU WANT THE MUSIC, GO PLAY BEETHOVAN OR SOMETHING. MAYBE HE'LL TALK TO YOU INSTEAD. BUT EVEN HE MIGHT BE SARCASTIC.

hell,

im not even sure if the EIPs have a personal agenda against me

i dont see them getting all pussy over XXX's sarcasm!

it has to be WAIHONG'S SARCASM.

WHAT THE HELL?

whats wrong with my sarcasm?

i've mellowed down already

trying my best to make peace with my words

trying to make words laugh

instead, my EIPs just refused to hear it that way

and HAS TO FEEL THE THORNS BEHIND MY WORDS.

another thing,

when a serious waihong says,

"what i'll say will make you offended."

even that prelude sentence will make you feel offended.

so please do not tempt him into serving the main course.

ok thank you all for reading.

i apologise if this has been a wasted 5~10mins of your time.

Risk.

2009-02-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

played MISSION RISK over at Daven's place today/night,

and i suffered my worstest dice roll luck ever.

2 dices.

30~40 rolls.

1x single 5.

0x single/double 6.

local casualty : foreign casualty
48 : 13

it was a serious WTF case.

and thanks to that WTF case,

i lost.

but on the side note,

dinner was great (:

dad's chicken-pork curry with pumpkin and carrots.

my reaction: who the hell makes PORK CURRY!? oh but the pumpkin was good(X

oh just so some of you are wondering,

this post was entered at 545AM on 27FEB09 (:

yes im awake. im turning nocturnal. *hoot hoot*

seriously im bored out these days, holidays really kinda socks/rucks(think sucks + rocks ok?).

unless im equipped with a whole new game, i guess im all set to fester.

funny thing is, i always end up gaining weight after festering. why?

oh and im turning on the Comments function for my blog as well. just so maybe in case my tagboard malfunctions(:

just a little somethings

2009-02-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

... that i made(:

made at: WWW.SLIDE.COM

send me a picture of yous people who are not inside here okays?

esp the PC "yous"(: someone could send me SHUHAN's too cos she probably wont send one to me.

waihong, out(:

friends...

2009-02-10T00:29:00.000+08:00

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

ps. ilovemyfriends(:

random note

2009-01-30T23:58:00.000+08:00

oh and on a random note, i've scored 96% for the Visual Pattern Fluid Test i've posted on before(x
beat this guys!!

Your overall percentile is 96% which means you scored higher than 96% of the people who have taken this test.

got caked!

2009-01-30T23:31:00.000+08:00

Thanks yous to

Gerald.Cons.Carmen.Marcus.Liwei
Shuhan.Gordon.Daven.Daryl.BenOh

for the

SakaeDinner.NailPolish.MousseCake
CheeseCake.IceCreamSticks

You're all very very very much loved
and your actions and intentions appreciated x3

Let the coming birthdays be as fun(:

8th: Marcussy!
12th: Gordy!
16th: Raldy!

to see all your faces beaming
was the greatest present
i could ever wish for.
thank you
for the friendship
you've showed me.

Je t'aime, Cherie

moving notice

motivation

like dreams and nightmares

Of many things

old times.

...of goosebumps and stones

being alone has never been so hard.

long long long

long long time.

Rush Rush.

And I just wanted to say,

it is...

it might be a lonely weekend.

narrow.

A load to say, feeling uber tired,

just before book in

Lost and Confused. Who's to help?

Anxiety.

Confidence

17 days left

tonight, another night.

tonight

Discovery

a boatyard full of Ships.

bored, truly.

(some witty title)

What is Happening?

Countdown.

I'll Be Your Doctor - Jesse Barrera

Ponder.

Like that,

New Direction.

BINTAN!

Next

Baby, are you down?

fruitful day

Relationships

thoughts

... sigh

... and there's me again.

History

It's all in the GENES.

a pat on my shoulder

ABC's of growing up

things undone.

im bored.

yes.

type my fingers! type!

thunder.

things to do:

just because i wanna.

how now brown cow?

pride or shame

F. M. L. and maybe yours too.

last day of 2009

feeling "dulan"

HO HO HO!

its a new day.

ok im back.

bye bye malaysia!

pix.

last moments.

day 3 of the wake.

in malaysia.

milestones

a sunday.

slightly newer skin!

oh the folly.

the end.

insomnia.

hermit.

trading centre

'tis been awhile!

haaaaave you met me? [:

Note: I'm Dying

What is Happening?

Gamers.

the sun, the moon and me

dead?